- Talking ‘Respect-Talk’ does not come naturally to me (or probably you either)
- I have not finished reading this book. But I will!
- This book has the potential to revolutionize my relationships with my sons. (yours too!)
- If I get this right, it just might be the best thing I have ever done in raising my boys.
- Because I hate even numbers….I added this pointless point in 😉
When I was contacted by FlyBy Promotions to review this book, I didn’t hesitate for a second. This February our church hosted a marriage weekend which was based on Emerson Eggerichs book Love and Respect. It’s an amazing book and concept that can change a marriage in light of the well know Ephesians 5:33
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I was so interested to read how he applied the concept in the marriage book to mothers and sons.
And I haven’t been disappointed!
Eggerichs shows how women see life through the ‘love-grid’ while men see it through the ‘respect-grid’. When someone hurts my feelings, it makes me feel unloved. But for men, it makes them feel disrespected. Two vastly different reactions, but equally felt by the opposite sex. Although I believe and understand this concept at surface level, it’s really making me think on this concept. I feel like I have to slowly digest all of this to change my way of thinking.
When I mentioned that ‘Respect-Talk’ (as he calls it in the book) doesn’t come naturally to me, I don’t mean that I typically speak disrespectfully to my sons, or anyone in my life for that matter. But what this book is teaching me is that for boys and men, there are specific ways we can use our words to show respect to them….and it isn’t natural for us women!
I will stop right here to point out that Eggerichs makes this point:
Understand this foundational truth: showing respect toward the spirit of your son does not sanction and respect the sin of his flesh.
You’re relieved by this, right?
He’s not saying to respect everything our sons do…because, hello! They’re little sinners! (So are we, I must add :))
But he’s saying that even in their sin, we can treat them with respect, but not respect their sin.
I thought of it this way…changing the wording of a familiar saying. (Love the sinner, hate the sin.)
Respect the sinner,
Hate the sin.
I don’t know about you….but in the moment of correction, it is hard for me to speak in a way that shows respect for my son, while talking with him about his mistake. But I see the value in it immensely!!!!!
To be honest, saying things like Eggerichs talks about on page 19
I love and respect you, but what you have done is not lovable or respectable. I am angry at you, very angry. But I see this as a teaching moment for you. I don’t say this to shame you but to challenge. There are consequences to what you’ve done, but this is part of helping you become an honorable man.
feels as natural to me as talking Greek.
But I can’t help but know that if I can internalize his ideas and speak this way in a calm, respectful manner, I will reach the heart of my sons in ways I never have.
And after all, reaching their hearts is one of my highest goals as a mother.
Obedience that is just on the surface with a angry, distant heart underneath is not my goal.
I’ve sought heart-change in my sons for years…..and Mother & Son-The Respect Effect makes me realize that I’ve been going about it mostly wrong. But instead of beating myself up for my mistakes, I’m going to use what I’m learning and change for the better. They don’t even know what’s coming…but we will all be the better for it.
I’m thankful for this resource, and the change it is going to bring to the hearts of all of my family. Because when I can use different thinking, different words to reach the hearts of my boys, which will point them to Jesus?
That’s a win every day, all day.
Would you like to win a copy of Mother & Son-The Respect Effect?
Simply comment on this post….tell me your biggest struggle as a mom to boys, why you would love to read this book, or how you show your son(s) respect. I’ll put your name in a drawing for a copy.
Giveaway ends June 7th and is open to all residents of USA and Canada. The winner will need to provide their mailing address for the publisher to send your book.
AW MAN!!! I JUST missed this giveaway! Would’ve loved it! I’ll put it on my wishlist! 🙂 Thank you for this wonderful review!!
Thank you Kela!!! It is a great book. Have you read Love and Respect?
Thank you for opening my eyes to something I’m 110% guilty of. In my moments of frustration, anger and other ugliness when my son does something wrong I need to step back and try to use my words to build up, not tear down. Edification doesn’t always come easy, especially when a lying, disobeying boy tests me!
I hear you! It is a huge struggle. But one worth overcoming! We can do it!!!
I’ve been telling rob how much I want to read this book!
I am a boy mom and I have seen that boys seem to need a “knighting” of sorts. When they get in their mid teens there is a pulling away that is necessary but it still hurts your heart. They are older now and they are wonderful friends, to me and their dad and each other.. Respect is paramount. Loved this post.
Thanks Jan! That’s encouraging that your boys are your friends…I pray I can say the same someday!
Second post on respect…God is speaking!
Of course love and respect go both ways. I believe both husbands and wives need and want love and respect, but also we do need to respect our children for the human beings that they are. We are all created in God’s image and therefore need love and respect. Like you said, though, the respect doesn’t mean we sanction their sin, but we respect them as people created in the image of God. Blessings to you and yours!
I “speak my mind” so respect is definitely not my first instinct! Would love to read this book and learn how to think & speak in a way that shows respect to my son (and husband). 🙂
I hear ya girl!!! It can be hard to speak with respect all the time, yet so important for our guys!
Even “more seasoned” Moms, like myself, can grow & learn how to better our relationships with our 30-something sons & little grandsons! This is one old fog who’s willing to learn new tricks! Your wonderful review peeked my interest so I bought the audiobook & can hardly wait to start it. Thanks for sharing this Melissa.
That’s great Deb! I’m sure you will find many ways to use this concept with your son and grandsons. (And even your dear hubby;)
Umm, I need this book! While my sons are quite old enough to fully grasp this, I know I need a jumpstart on this concept. I find it hard for me to use my words in a respectful manner when dealing with something I disagree with (i.e. Disobeying, not listening, talking back). I think I would read this book over and over again. I pray to raise my boys in a godly, loving home where our words have meaning and where love and respect coincide with each other, instead of conflict with each other. Great review!
Thanks Abbey!!! The fact that you’re aware of your struggle is a HUGE step in the right direction!!!
As a mother of 2 very different sons I’m always looking for ways to better understand their world. This sounds like a great place to start. You have been a blessing to me. Thank you.
Thank you so much Tricia! It’s so hard when we see in ‘pink’ and they see in ‘blue’!
Love your review Melissa. I worry how to raise my son and have him respect me while still providing him the respect he deserves. My husband once said (after I was teasing him along with One of his buddies) “hey you are supposed to be on my team”. That statement hit home with me. While it is okay to tease it is important to show the males in your home that you are on “their team”!
Wow though my boys are so young I can still see after reading this how important it is to not only show love but respect to them. I struggle with having a balance of what is just a “boys” way of doing things and even at their age saying things and what is disrespectful. I don’t want to squash who they are since boys are different from girls(obviously) but I want them to know what is respectful to say and not say or do. Your review was very helpful in gaining insight and understanding into what this grest book holds! Thanks so much!
Oh my! This book sounds awesome! As a mom of three boys I struggle with finding the balance of respectfully disciplining them, but not being authoritarian in the process!
Thanks Ginger! I’m so happy you read my post. Feel free to share this with your friends!