- Talking ‘Respect-Talk’ does not come naturally to me (or probably you either)
- I have not finished reading this book. But I will!
- This book has the potential to revolutionize my relationships with my sons. (yours too!)
- If I get this right, it just might be the best thing I have ever done in raising my boys.
- Because I hate even numbers….I added this pointless point in 😉
When I was contacted by FlyBy Promotions to review this book, I didn’t hesitate for a second. This February our church hosted a marriage weekend which was based on Emerson Eggerichs book Love and Respect. It’s an amazing book and concept that can change a marriage in light of the well know Ephesians 5:33
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I was so interested to read how he applied the concept in the marriage book to mothers and sons.
And I haven’t been disappointed!
Eggerichs shows how women see life through the ‘love-grid’ while men see it through the ‘respect-grid’. When someone hurts my feelings, it makes me feel unloved. But for men, it makes them feel disrespected. Two vastly different reactions, but equally felt by the opposite sex. Although I believe and understand this concept at surface level, it’s really making me think on this concept. I feel like I have to slowly digest all of this to change my way of thinking.
When I mentioned that ‘Respect-Talk’ (as he calls it in the book) doesn’t come naturally to me, I don’t mean that I typically speak disrespectfully to my sons, or anyone in my life for that matter. But what this book is teaching me is that for boys and men, there are specific ways we can use our words to show respect to them….and it isn’t natural for us women!
I will stop right here to point out that Eggerichs makes this point:
Understand this foundational truth: showing respect toward the spirit of your son does not sanction and respect the sin of his flesh.
You’re relieved by this, right?
He’s not saying to respect everything our sons do…because, hello! They’re little sinners! (So are we, I must add :))
But he’s saying that even in their sin, we can treat them with respect, but not respect their sin.
I thought of it this way…changing the wording of a familiar saying. (Love the sinner, hate the sin.)
Respect the sinner,
Hate the sin.
I don’t know about you….but in the moment of correction, it is hard for me to speak in a way that shows respect for my son, while talking with him about his mistake. But I see the value in it immensely!!!!!
To be honest, saying things like Eggerichs talks about on page 19
I love and respect you, but what you have done is not lovable or respectable. I am angry at you, very angry. But I see this as a teaching moment for you. I don’t say this to shame you but to challenge. There are consequences to what you’ve done, but this is part of helping you become an honorable man.
feels as natural to me as talking Greek.
But I can’t help but know that if I can internalize his ideas and speak this way in a calm, respectful manner, I will reach the heart of my sons in ways I never have.
And after all, reaching their hearts is one of my highest goals as a mother.
Obedience that is just on the surface with a angry, distant heart underneath is not my goal.
I’ve sought heart-change in my sons for years…..and Mother & Son-The Respect Effect makes me realize that I’ve been going about it mostly wrong. But instead of beating myself up for my mistakes, I’m going to use what I’m learning and change for the better. They don’t even know what’s coming…but we will all be the better for it.
I’m thankful for this resource, and the change it is going to bring to the hearts of all of my family. Because when I can use different thinking, different words to reach the hearts of my boys, which will point them to Jesus?
That’s a win every day, all day.
Would you like to win a copy of Mother & Son-The Respect Effect?
Simply comment on this post….tell me your biggest struggle as a mom to boys, why you would love to read this book, or how you show your son(s) respect. I’ll put your name in a drawing for a copy.
Giveaway ends June 7th and is open to all residents of USA and Canada. The winner will need to provide their mailing address for the publisher to send your book.